Sexuality

PROPULSION, SLAVERY AND FREEDOM...

Sexuality without love

On the contrary to positive sexuality positive leading to mutual communion of a man and a woman for time, sexuality can be a place of slavery and jail.

The other is reduced to an object able of fulfilling my pleasure, when other's face, tenderness are absent, sexuality is a selfish roll around myself and I loose my freedom becoming slave of my impulse.

Becoming free of this slavery goes through the own mastering, the learning of a distance between me and my desire. It needs a break, a detoxification and at least a decentering. It can then lead to the transformation of our look on others. A look more attentive to the other as a person and also the will to pass my brutish to become human, a true man...

A sex therapist tells that a client told him that when her husband was offering flowers to her, she knew he wanted to buy her consent for extravagances...

Sexual encounter, some paths

For a man, which is characterised by a better psychological and physical availability, a learning phase is often needed to sublimate his ardour in attention and respect woman's timing. Some keys are given by sex therapist to transform its desire in shared happiness.

To express its desire

To express its desire means introducing dialogue, while signs, gestures and behaviors are misinterpreted. For instance, this man who thought during ten years that his wife was wishing to have sexual relations because she went in bed naked, though she had done so all her life (for 10 years, they went for every night until a sex therapist helped them to think and talk otherwise...).

Tenderness at the service of patience

While certain gestures provoke for men a rapid excitement , others can temper his impulse, show attention to the other, his/her tenderness. A non moving hand, holding in arms, a word of comprehension will allow to defer union, find a place for a shared and truer encounter.

Reserved encounter :

In certain cases, the reeducation of a tense sexuality can go through this learning phase where bodies meet unmoving and where this absence of movement allows an union without orgasm. The mutual respect in their flesh allows to regulate and sublimate their mutual desire, give away their crazy search of pleasure towards a truer encounter. It is only possible if both have decided not to go up to the orgasm. All these paths do not bring frustration but on the contrary sublimation.

Desire, this great instinct of life which makes us close becomes love, sharing and brings joy.

Meeting of bodies, encounter of senses

The encounter is not in the touching, it uses numerous means...

Words,

They prepare the encounter, allow harmony of hearts,

Sight

The other's look is a sign of tenderness, the caress of a meeting, of face to face...

Smell

Scents are not to be forgotten in an encounter. They have their role in the preparation of both...

Touching

It is a king's way if time and patience allows mutually shared presence

Expressing its pleasure is not an interruption but a sharing, it is a returned gift of the other's attention - Kiss It is exchange, communion. Prelude to the union of bodies, it allows the slow preparation of spirits. The kiss is a concentrate of exchange, gift and receptivity. It gives the tone of quality of an encounter. The open reciprocity is a condition through which this encounter of faces and through it the complementarity of language leads to communion.

But a kiss cannot be required. It is why it expresses availability.

Opened to life.....

The encounter takes a greater dimension when it leads to this marvel that is a child. .Child is the gift which seals and changes the encounter. It escapes us and makes us grow, modifies the quality of our encounter. It tickles us to, forcing us to openness and love. A woman's body reacts periodically to this possible fertility. Her body is more receptive. Her internal parts becomes more liquid. Her desire is more intense. She experiments then what a man feels on a more daily rhythm. This learning of desire for a woman can be a way to feel what her husband feels. This feeling is only possible when no breaks are put to her fertility. In levelling her fertility, some contraceptive will also level her desire and the sexual encounter looses for her a big part of its interest. Question of having a child might be the opportunity of a dialogue on frequency and quality of relations.

But it is only a danger. The use of less mechanical means does not guarantee that dialogue on fertility is settled for the couple. In limiting the discussion to possible/non possible, the couple does not interrogate htemselves any more on the mutual will and desire of encounter. This is why the analysis developed above on an attentive encounter and on a sexuality crowning tenderness is more important than considerations on means.

What imports before all is the quality of mutual love and the seeking of a true love at the service of couple's happiness, of an "us" living and fertile for a responsible parenting. All depends on this. Couple's openness to dialogue on rhythms, desire, pleasure inside the couple is essential.